Hi, my name is Calamity Jen and I'm a human wrecking ball.

I never claimed that I would frequently update this bad boy. For anyone that still reads this, you're a real trooper for hanging in there. I'm proud of you. SUCKER!

I have two days of work left at my current job. What could be better than spending my lunch hour with my friend, Elizabeth, enjoying the warm, sunny day in Downtown Clayton? Sitting outside to eat? You betcha. A scrumptious appetizer? Excellent idea. A raspberry mojito? Not so much. It all seemed like a good idea when E ordered it up, but thing progressively went downhill from there. Since I’ve returned, I’ve nearly amputated my pinky with an exacto knife, almost threw up in the elevator and ran into the side of receptionist’s desk, breaking her candy dish. I should also mention I’ve been back for 15 minutes. I still have an hour left. Do you know the damage I could do in that amount of time? I am a human wrecking ball. And I wish I could use the alcohol to justify the $100 I just dropped on a pair of totally impractical shoes, but I bought before I drank. And I’m only going to talk about shoes because anyone that knows me and reads this will know how rare it is that I talk about such a thing. So imagine the black pumps your second grade teacher wore. Then extend the heel 2 inches. Then cut out the toe. Then buff em up and you have my new shoes. I know I’ll only be able to wear them 4 times a year, but with the hot sex these things radiate, it will surely be worth it.